I'm lost

I'm not even myself anymore. I couldn't feel what love is. I couldn't feel what love is between a guy and a girl. All it's about reality, sensing the fact is one of the wake up call to grow up in our life.

Negativities kept me from being a normal human feel. I felt I'm like a robot. Just cold and greasy blood through my veins. No heart beat, no pulse rate and certainly there is no more sweet smile and natural laughter.

I'm just too advanced to be perfect. Too advanced that no one can think what I'm thinking and what will be happening next.

I'm totally lost, lost in my own world....

Always there

No matter what, when I see the Taiwan drama...I just kept thinking about u. The story is just what happened to us. I kept wondered, what is the last episode like.

I'm just so scared and sad. I want u to be happy as well...

Moody

Lately I been acting weird and easily get irritated and mad. What is going on with me?

Why would I care many people I knew while they don't even care much about me. Why can't I just shrink myself and get myself out from all these little things?

Is it because I always been a small thing for everyone and I am easily to get bullied and be used for?

I really not feeling good. At first I thought I would go through a normal and happy and stress free day, but it seems like I still haven't got the fine day among everyday I been through.

I just want to rest!!!

There will be a day

Noone have a perfect 365 days that they desired to have. There will be a day or a moment where you feel sad, heartbroken, missing somebody, thinking about the past, thinking about moving on, struggling to be happy, tension, peer pressure, and etc!

Just somewhere somehow out of the blue, you just feel what a waste, pitiful, bitterness, sourness of the mood that you are having right now are totally sucks.

Sort of....this word...is the word that have a deeper bitterness or sorrow behind.

Well what to do, life journey is about up and down. Just like the heartbeat pulse. It goes up and down, which means you are still alive and normal.

New Discovery

Lately I have changed the way my lifestyle is. Doing things correctly or amend what I have done earlier. It's for my own good to live a better lifestyle than I am going through lately.

I would feel I'm much more tired than I am usually is. Making me to go to bed anytime I am working. Is quite frustrating because of the sudden tiredness that happened to me lately. Due to my working hour, I am not able to rest enough. It is always like I don't feel tired when I am suppose to feel tired. I want to be normal again. So I started off with after work, I will go back home and take a nap. Since my dinner would be around 8pm. Then wake up for dinner and got back home feeling tired and sleep again. Still, I don't feel I have enough rest. I would really like to know what happened and what exactly the issue of the tiredness came from.

Everyone notices my lifestyle changed. But sometimes daddy don't. But that is what I discover of the new me.

Changes

Last month I've started to change. Finding out that staying this way isn't the right thing. It was always been having bad or down days. Being said and scold, I know what I am doing,but all human are the same. They always say other people mistakes but will never tell to themselves.

I realised that I should have done better. To move on from this unhealthy relationship to a better one when the right time and the right person to come into the picture.

That's where I start to change. From drinking to not drinking behaviour. From getting outdoors till late night. From hanging out with friends to stay home person. And so on and forth.

I completely change my lifestyle and I had stop that relationship that do not bring me any happiness. I need to gain what I suppose to gain. Knowing which should I give more and which should I gain more. I've grown up to a better young lady.

As time pass, I realised that I should keep trying. Now every one of my friends see the changes in me. Even my mom seen it. It's all about time to prove that I am changing.

Change needs time and I need time too.

Smile

Most of the time I would just smile but deep down my throat I'm suffering from pain, madness and heartache

Broken hearted girl who always been broken not just once