One week plus ago, he told me to stop this relationship. Is because he said that I am flirting right in front of his eyes and his friends eyes.
Knowing him and being with him. I've changed to only one heart and I would only do anything with him. Going through stuffs together can really made two person know each other well.
After I have started this relationship, I had stop my bad habits. My habits that are really not good. Well that's because I was hurt real bad. Really bad. I need time to recover. Recovering process really do hurtful and feel very lonely. Especially during night time, it's the most lonely ever felt. Because u saw ur parents talking and laughing each other, bro and his gf too. It really impacted me real hard. It's just like snapped on my knee ligaments. So I keep finding whoever friend I have to spend the time. Find and find and find. Lastly I met vvnie. That's where I started to hang out with her. First time hanging out. We met tony and Danny.
We wouldn't even know we would form a group and being so close together. Now we have each other back, thou sometimes one of us really need the space to be alone. We keep on supporting each other. We are totally spilt, been drinking more than we ever did (well I don't know for both of them but I am). Am really grateful to have them. I keep on emo when I am also with them till I met him. I noticed him. He had been trying to ask me out but I reject because I'm actually still recovering and I have no trust in guys yet.
But it also depends how he sees that. I believed that he did not see how damaged my heart is to relationship. Since he had been trying to ask me out. , I gave it a try. Well, he tried to please me and sweet talks as usual. Then I just keep looking and things flashes in my mind. All about what will happen next or what are the things would appear if I really say "yes". This isn't a proposal yet and I am already thinking this kind of stuffs. See how badly or negatively my thinking is towards a relationship?
It is not I do not trust him, as because what I had been through. I do not know whether I should repeat the same heartbreak again. If I did, I think I will need more time to recover or maybe I ain't that good in relationship. The communication, the trust, the loyal issue, the controlling part, the keep pushing part, sacrificing for nothing and so on.
At last, he asked me whether I would like to be his girlfriend. And I was just thinking and thinking. Whether I should or should not. Lastly, I answered "I try" instead of "yes" nor "no". As I only can see, I am trying to protect myself. He would sees that I am trying to play with him but I am not. As you know, I am still having doubts in trusting guys. Especially night life styles.
At first I am stone cold, I would not care much. I won't reply his messages right after getting it or I did not report anything about what I did or where I go and who I am with. Then he started to do him a Favor by telling him what i have been doing whole day. So I listened and follow what he said. That is where I start to fall down and continue on falling till I do not know how deep it is. I started to give and give. I started to sacrifice. I started to pamper him. Without knowing how much cost again I could have hurt. I am willing to only focus on him. That is how my habits stop. Because I do not want to lose this relationship on my bad habits. I need to behave myself.
Stand strong me!
I need to stand strong. I really need strong motivation. Give me strength to go through this peacefully and everything goes smoothly.
Really love him. I just don't know why. Why would I always end up falling down first than him.
Really blue today. Even it's Tuesday.
At first I was thinking how should I fool anyone today. Especially Marron, but I wouldn't dare because I scare it won't work how the way I plan. However I still think of what kind of plan should I do to not make things worst or too over about doing it.
About pregnant? No! About getting married? No! Then I was thinking, hmmm maybe I should fool him about I'm going to shanghai,china. It wouldn't be too over isn't it? Yeah...was planning to have lunch with him but unfortunately he is still sleeping. Because I kept SMS him but no reply at all. So I pretend that I'm angry and snob him. Keep spamming him but still no reply at all.
So I keep planning how it should work. Then I came up together with Elisha. Apparently it is working at first, but didn't thought of what coming next. Which is he started to get angry and mad that I had made the decision to go shanghai with my boss. Then I didn't know what to reply him until I delayed my time and keep thinking how I should reply him without any doubt that it was actually Aprils fool.
However, it is not appearing how it should be until without acknowledge it, I'm actually making it more hotter. So, I just don't wanna reply him. So that I could just face to face with him and let him scold or whatever. Then, I only let him know that actually the whole set up was just Aprils fool prank.
After work, I straightaway go and look for him. Before things get to the end. As in the SMS itself, he said if I come with my boss before I leave, it's better to forget about us. This phrase, really shaken me up! My hands even keep shaking because of that word. Omg! So by the time I saw him working here, he asked me "what?". Then I keep looking at him. Lets see what he wants to say first. So he didn't, I started to tell him that it was just April fool prank. He was stunt that he didn't thought I would make fun about this stuff. So I was like persuading him and try to comfort him that everything was alright. I even told him not to be angry and look at him and want him to feel that, I am actually not meant to fool him this big!
Anyway, i am not sure whether he still angry but I do told him that where I would go later. Then his expression totally different when I talked about badminton. Then he said that he would like to play badminton when the day is his off day. Well of course I smile and talk with him regarding on that. After that, I tell him that i am going back home first. In my heart, I am still thinking that he would always remember how I fool him regarding this. My heart still don't feel comfortable.
On the other side, I actually fooled tony and vvnie too. About the same story, lastly they ended up angry at me :( guessed tomorrow they won't come anymore or even care me. Wu wu wu..... :'(
That's how my first and the last prank goes!!!!!!
Marron still angry too! :(
