Deduct my habits

Knowing him and being with him. I've changed to only one heart and I would only do anything with him. Going through stuffs together can really made two person know each other well.

After I have started this relationship, I had stop my bad habits. My habits that are really not good. Well that's because I was hurt real bad. Really bad. I need time to recover. Recovering process really do hurtful and feel very lonely. Especially during night time, it's the most lonely ever felt. Because u saw ur parents talking and laughing each other, bro and his gf too. It really impacted me real hard. It's just like snapped on my knee ligaments. So I keep finding whoever friend I have to spend the time. Find and find and find. Lastly I met vvnie. That's where I started to hang out with her. First time hanging out. We met tony and Danny.

We wouldn't even know we would form a group and being so close together. Now we have each other back, thou sometimes one of us really need the space to be alone. We keep on supporting each other. We are totally spilt, been drinking more than we ever did (well I don't know for both of them but I am). Am really grateful to have them. I keep on emo when I am also with them till I met him. I noticed him. He had been trying to ask me out but I reject because I'm actually still recovering and I have no trust in guys yet.

But it also depends how he sees that. I believed that he did not see how damaged my heart is to relationship. Since he had been trying to ask me out. , I gave it a try. Well, he tried to please me and sweet talks as usual. Then I just keep looking and things flashes in my mind. All about what will happen next or what are the things would appear if I really say "yes". This isn't a proposal yet and I am already thinking this kind of stuffs. See how badly or negatively my thinking is towards a relationship?

It is not I do not trust him, as because what I had been through. I do not know whether I should repeat the same heartbreak again. If I did, I think I will need more time to recover or maybe I ain't that good in relationship. The communication, the trust, the loyal issue, the controlling part, the keep pushing part, sacrificing for nothing and so on.

At last, he asked me whether I would like to be his girlfriend. And I was just thinking and thinking. Whether I should or should not. Lastly, I answered "I try" instead of "yes" nor "no". As I only can see, I am trying to protect myself. He would sees that I am trying to play with him but I am not. As you know, I am still having doubts in trusting guys. Especially night life styles.

At first I am stone cold, I would not care much. I won't reply his messages right after getting it or I did not report anything about what I did or where I go and who I am with. Then he started to do him a Favor by telling him what i have been doing whole day. So I listened and follow what he said. That is where I start to fall down and continue on falling till I do not know how deep it is. I started to give and give. I started to sacrifice. I started to pamper him. Without knowing how much cost again I could have hurt. I am willing to only focus on him. That is how my habits stop. Because I do not want to lose this relationship on my bad habits. I need to behave myself.

Stand strong me!