It's time to let it out.

There's no doubt a student might have their own pressure in doing their own decision and their regular activities.It seems like i've done a lot most of it and i've crossed the line far away.Instead i'm choosing the right decision, I've went completely insane about

My Dearest Aunt

It's been just a while she just passed away just like that. When i got the news from mom, I'm zipped...didn't know what to say. The last time i visit her in the hospital was just yesterday before i came back to my hostel. Actually i wasn't feel alright these days right after we celebrated her birthday with us just on sunday for the last 2 weeks. But, that day she wasn't in a mood it's as if she knew something is going to happen and she wouldn't let us know. So, we won't worry about her. She insisted till on Tuesday where she complaint her painful arm whereby the cancer cells started to spread right after long time ago where she had breast cancer. She done the surgery and one side of her breast is gone.

After for so long, cancer cells moved and spread to another place and start to mutate the skin cells just right on her right arm. It spreads very quickly, without noticing. It swollen,reddish, and even felt numb. Every of her son and daughter who are my cousins told us how much she used to be so optimistic and strong but now she started to become weaker and weaker by each day those cancer cells attacked her. It all started late last year where some part of her throat swollen too. Next was her arm. Doctor been researching for this cell but still there is no cure to prevent it. More and more people got this kind of disease where there's no cure unless we know how to prevent and avoid it ourself by taking good care of our health and first of all by daily food intake.

Cancer cells really can frightened you for the first time but when it comes to the next level, you'll suffer the moment right after that. They recognized the anti-bodies in our body and they even changed themselves or improve themselves by genetically so that they can overcome our antibody and starts to conquer the part which can be easily affected. I still remember how she manage to get everything done even helping on her own sister's restaurant. She helped her each day without stopping until the day she got sick and she need to take some rest at home to cure it. I've even remembered when my family and I used to went back our hometown at Sungkai,Ipoh, she always know what I want to eat which is Assam Laksa. It was my favourite food. She really used to be a happy aunt,mom,wife,daughter and even grandma. She really is a good person! I'm missing those moments....

In spite, for the first time i heard my mom that she was hospitalized, I was not that scare since she just complaint her arm was in pain. Then the next day, I was on my way back home from college, I've called dad, he told me she only got few days left to live. Tears bursting out my eyes but i try to stay strong since many people were surrounding that place. So, when i got back my room, I've started thinking back about last time moments. Before she was hospitalized, i remembered i couln't sleep well and even my right-hand bottom eyelid was like clicking...and i know something bad is going to happen...but i didnt think it was my aunt who will be hospitalized.....For the first time i visit her in the hospital, she was lying there without opening her eyes maybe because doctor prescribed her 1ml of morphin each drop like that! IT'S MORPHIN! GOD SAKE! it's a very strong medicine as a pain killer! But without it, she can't resist her pain at her arm.

Right after my dad fetched me there. Everyone was there,sitting,standing,blurring,sad-ding,praying....and when i first saw her. I'm really in shock...both of her arms were infected....Usually when we're visiting patient, we try to communicate with them and tell them who's here to visit her/him. Her son told me to call her and tell her who am i.....I was really didn't know how to open my mouth and tears starting to flow....I really really can't open my mouth and call her but i'm always right beside her....looking on her condition,looking on the droplets of 1ml of morphin and total of 50ml she had taken...It's very strong until she can't even wake up nicely and being fresh....It was happening fast right after that...Cancer issues kept flashing on my mind...telling me how ridiculous and how horrible cancer cells can attack you with no notation or any message. It just came to you without you noticing or everyone else....her cancer was in the 1st stage....

I'm now completely restless...every part of my body need to take some rest and my mind need to clear off everything which is bad...Last but not least, I'm gonna miss her....May u rest in peace...I love you! We all loved you!!

Faithful Or Unfaithful?

Things doesn't seems right when onceu want it and loyal to it such as goal to achieve.But at the same time, things could change once when u think about getting a new one.How could it be since u're loyal to the first goal? Decision made need to be wise but action taken need to be smart. Anyway, i don't know how to describe here. But i'm still can't choose between both of them. Think patiently....

'xtra Time for tag

Instructions:Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post. Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. Do you hate doing tag?
{ Not really but loves it when nothing comes to do }

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
{ Would rather prefer both of them....I really care about my friendships and also my relationship }

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
{ Well...honestly, i've been thinking it for quite in larger number..but...eh...ntg la...just i'll regret later }

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
{ Nope....most probably will be unconfident...couldnt help it...can even think of reasonable reason to explain all these things....for example, u're already lazy then ppl told u to tell urself in the mirror that u're not lazy....what kind of way to help it...i really doesnt know y! }

5. How many babies you want?
{ Love twins! }

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
{ Well of course! }

7. What is your goal for this year?
{ Pass everything and graduate!!!! }

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
{ Well, yea...but i still havent find any...LOL! }

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)
~Faithful
~Honest
~Kind
~Caring
~Discipline
~Unselfish
~Have own achievement
~Own personality
~Happy guy
~Obedient guy

10.What feeling do you love most?
{ Being appreciate all the time }

11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
{ It's kinda similar to Q9 actually... }

12. is there anything you wanna tell the ppl you hate ?
{ Don't always judge others while you haven't see the truth behind urself }

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
{ All...but some doesn't even appreciates me...hmmm...sad }

14. What does flying means to you?
{ Freedom }

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
{ Holidays! I need to TAKE A BREAK!!!! }

16. Who has the biggest influnce on you?
{ Of course my parents and myself }

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
{ Lol...i'm just take anyone's tag to fill my time }

18. What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
{ Ermm.....sleep till when i'm done? }

19. What will u become in another 10 years to come?
{ Would manage to achieve all my goal done right before I'm into 30+ }

20. Who is your Idol?
{ Mom and Dad }

TAGGING TO:
Anyone okie? ^_^

Tagged

1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own15 weird things/habits/little known factsas well as state the rules clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!deng oso duuno wat tis stuff haha anyways join em la hahaha!!!

1) Love to be in crowds

2) Loves my pillow....hahaha ><"

3) I would prefer more sauce foods like spagetti,indian rice with more curry or sambal sauces...

4) Been watching hong kong drama since was a kid...or either having astro or mega tv last time...

5) Loves doing sports....love active lifes...

6) Always smile to people no matter i knew or i didnt know =)

7) Singing is my first priority in my hobbies...

8) Dancing would be the 2nd one...^^

9) Can talk a lot which is not related to serious conversation like studies...hahaha

10) Likes being pay attention {LOL}

11) I'm always treasure all my friends...i don't just "Hi" and then "Bye" kind of friend

12) I'm used to stay at home since i'm born...well most people said i'm staying in a jail...

13) If i'm with my close friends...i would say such unpolite words...haha...=P

14) I would like to have a younger sis or elder one...but...i'm faithed not to have one of them...

15) Would prefer 24/7 partner which would no matter what's the time i need him...he'll be right on time! Faithful, honest, caring, kind, brave, discipline, and etc...

TAG:
I would prefer to let anyone to choose whether they want to do it or not....it's freedom guys...^^

All The Way Around

I should have known it was you all along,

I didn't know what i had till it was gone,

Now i'm fallin down, fallin down, fallin down ,

And the trouble with the truth that you face

Is that you're haunted by all your mistakes

And now i'm callin out, callin out

But you can't be found, can't be found

Those nights those days will not be replaced

When I throw them away

I had to go all the way around

I had to go all the way around

Just to figure out how to get back where I started from

I had to search higher and low

I had to search everywhere to know

That everything i wanted was what i had (had to go)

All the way around just to get back where i started from

All the way around all the way around

All the way around just to get back where i started from

Just to get back where i started from

Would you listen to a heart that has learned

Could you give another chance to this girl

I'm so sorry now, sorry now, sorry now

Can't believe that i might be too late

I see my future when i'm starin at your face

I'm not letting go cuz we belong

I was a fool baby i was wrong

And these arms they ache

And this soul is in pain

Cuz I threw the best thing I ever had away

I had to go all the way around

I had to go all the way around

Just to figure out how to get back where I started from

I had to search higher and low

I had to search everywhere to know

That everything i wanted i was what i had (had to go)

All the way around just to get back where i started from

All the way around all the way around

All the way around just to get back where i started from

Just to get back where i started from x2

Ohh and these arms they ache

And this soul is in pain

Cuz I threw the best thing I ever had away

I had to go all the way around

I had to go all the way around

Just to figure out how to get back where I started from

I had to search higher and low

I had to search everywhere to know

That everything i wanted was what i had (had to go)

All the way around just to get back where i started from

All the way around all the way around

All the way around just to get back where i started from

Just to get back where i started from....

Recently....

There are quite a few things which had been happening to me...all things are included such as health, studies and family prob but it's ok now...everything back to their own place..but all these things happened really affected my life from now on...life experience is a sure to be learnt...

Lately, i had loss my appetite, my weight, my soul and patience....it's all affected..i can't even sleep properly...been having cold sweat during daytime and fever during the night time...i even have my palm and my foot very heaty...it's always been like that since i was young...everynight i just felt that i need a cold ice bucket to put my hands and legs together so it dun feel it is as if it's burning hot!

i've also been going through growing the last teeth...both up and down...sigh...really painful ohhh!! but it's alright...since i wan my whole set of teeth is fully grown hehe....=P but the worst part which is i felt i'm fever...i've got no appetite to eat many things...then also teeth gums swollen and pain! omg....suffering only...weight dropped...and i don't even know what's my weight right now since my weighing machine is at my other room...my home sweet room....ish...

Then ho...i also lately got join dance class..i've taken street jazz with my cousin sis and her friends....sigh...sometimes when the dance instructor told us to repeat the dance steps then ho my breathing start to get complicated....my heart beat slows down....my muscle cramp...my head spinning....and i looked myself at the mirror...and i'm in pale color...nice 1...and i knew i gotta rest and sit down...but...i still try to be tough thou....it's freaking me but for my cousin sis...i don't think she ever care it...coz last time when i used to exercise...my face will be whole in red color but this time i definitely and confirmed that i'm going to faint soon...

But still, she doesn't care....nvm...if something happens that time...then it's too late...lol! "touch wood" "touch wood" hahaha...got also end up hospitalized la....hahaha...okok continue...i'm still standing strong wor...drink water then squad down then ok...continue my dance...sigh...noone knew i've suffered...then also been fever and having cold sweat for 2-3 days so it's time to tell mom what had happened...she even think i got dengue tim....sigh =.="

So i went to doctor for help...doctor also dunno what's my condition....so the next day took blood test....hahaha...the funny thing is that i didnt know there's need no to inject "ubat bius" before blood sample was taken...hahaha...so i seriously asked the doctor," You really want to poke it in and take blood ar??!" The doctor also laugh at me...told me to see other way....but the doctor also dunno i'm not scare of it...but that time sick so no choice need to listen if not later faint...lol...who knows what will happen next right? hehe

So, doctor asked me whether i'm really got pressure or felt very pressuring and i've told him yea i did have...everynight sleep unappropriately and even noticed myself having diffiulty in breathing....then he asked me i've studying what course...and i've told him biochemistry....he also okok la the reaction but he asked izzit too many things to study...but i've told him it's complicated...sigh...

Then he can see that my whole body and my face got the paleness and tiredness in me so gave me a day off to college...wow...i felt relief...got mc no need scare lecturer...lol! but...i did slept the whole day too....damn it...caused me couldnt sleep at middle of the night...LMAO..

So, report came out at noon. Doctor told i'm alright overall but one thing....which is the min blood cell size and min blood volume...he told me i might have this disease named thalassaemia..but it's not worse wan la...it's just minor and it's not affecting my health and i get it from my family thou...coz it's from generation to generation...the doctor even told me when i wan to find a bf need to check whether he got the situation or not...if he got situation like me then it's impossible to give birth to a healthy baby child....sigh...the doctor laughed and smiled at me nia....><"

But nvm.....later on i told mom bout my report and she told me like my dad's sis had this..so...i know already lor...sigh...doctor told me to do some confirmation about having this disease or not...but mom told me to go back home first only decide...so this week i'm going back and i gotta do facial with skin specialist and i had to check out my report with my mom's....

Everday 9am to 5pm class.....i really been concerning bout my health but timetable isnt going to tolerate it with me unless i decide it myself...and i did...9am classes i've not been going...coz i got not enough sleep! and no mood tim....but it's ok la now...trying to ionize myself....i'm back to work now then~! will update more soon....

ChiNgz

Begining On With A New Leaf

I just couldn't believe i had to make another life once again. Due to unexpected things happened recently, everything was in complete disaster! Well, it's still alright now. Nothing to worry about. Everything does have their own history in life, aren't it?

Now, starting a new begining does need some time to cure up and clear up everything. It doesn't meant i need to throw everything that's handy for me. I can take that as guarantee. As for myself, I'm glad i know what to do next in my life. Although i'm not really confident in getting it but still i've tried my best right?

Really been hoping so hard i could go through all these mother nature disaster. Hmmm, things aren't getting easier as our age is getting bigger in number. So, human really have their abundance of barrier in their own life. It's true anyway. But it helps a lot on not making more mistakes again in the future.

Things that i've been deleting in the past would be historic in me. Now, it's time for a new begining of a new leaf of me!

$~Irene~$